Addicted to the Computer?

I can't pull myself away from this damn thing. I use it for work, I use it to communicate...I use it for everything (but no longer for porn  ) I think it gives constant stimulation and something to do. Does anyone else find themselves on the computer for too much, even when not looking at porn?

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Holding Back Erections - 11/7/2011

So my main motivation is get regain healthy erections. Today I started having a fantasy based on my porn habit and I started get the beginning of an erection so I held back. But I feel awkward. I want to get an erection but I don't want it based of a porn fantasy but I WANT THE ERECTION! I'm assuming I did the right thing.

I am going to right another blog about how my ED started...but something I haven't told anyone before so I'm hesitating to publicize it.

Too see comments from other addicts please visit - http://www.reuniting.info/node/9202

I'm going to re-post all the blogs I've been posting on Reuniting.info

Haven't been posting here....

....I started a new blog a reuniting.info .  They have a forum dedicated from many with Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction and porn addicts.  Very helpful because I get a lot more feed back there.  I will try to repost what I've posted there here.

By the, some people said that when you stay on the abstinent your dick looks bigger....I didn't believe it...but its true.  Not sure why that is.

Motivation...

....to work to today is crap.  Hopefully it will pick up.

Natural Attraction

This morning while getting my coffee I noticed a woman who works in my office...the way she walked and was dressed just screamed sex to me.  I started getting feelings in my stomach and down there.  At first I rejected it.  But then later I realized I rejected it because the last time I had that feeling was when I looked at porn.  But then I got happy because that feeling came from seeing a real live woman!  And it meant I was ATTRACTED TO HER!   Last time I felt that was maybe high school.

When I was in to PMO everyone I saw I felt I should be attracted too.  So this morning I saw a woman I felt I was suppose to be attracted to but I wasn't so I was a little down.  Then I saw another woman, and a similar feeling that I had earlier came over me.  So I learned I will naturally tell myself who I am attracted to.  I don't need to F every girl who walks the planet.  I just need to let it come naturally.

And then....

...I had some pizza when I got back from my walk.  It didn't agree with my stomach.  So I've been stuck in my apartment.  On my computer for last 3 hours.  Depressing and feelings of loneliness.

Wonderful day so far

I didn't even need my morning coffee today!

I did the things I needed to do this morning, with very little self-interference.

After breakfast, I was sitting at my computer but I decided instead to get up and go outside.  I think the computer itself can be addicting too,   It took a long walk to a park I've been meaning to visit...being in nature felt exhilarating (well at least in comparison to what I normally feel, which is nothing).  All the different colors from the trees and landscape, the way the sun lit everything, the cold breeze, seeing all these people enjoying themselves...very nice.

Then I stopped by the main library which I hadn't been in.  I was going to spend some time there but I had a quick conversation with myself that as much as I wanted to stay its best to go - I guess its a sign that when you can control your negative sexual impulses, you can control other desires to make a more rational and better decision for you self.

 While I walked home I past by a museum and I was so excited about the prospect of visiting it soon, the thought of all the different exhibits and art work that could be in there was try appealing.  Heck, I WAS EXCITED ABOUT SOMETHING :-)

While I was out, I saw a lot of things that in the past would have gotten my blood boiling and would have obsessed over (dopamine?) but didn't!  Rather I choose to focus on myself and what I needed to be doing and what I wanted to thinking about and what was going to make me happy.

I took a book about relationships with me to the park and read it.  I finally spent time thinking about my role and a woman's role in a relationship - one woman; rather than thinking about "F-ing" a bunch of different girls.

While I was waling I noticed woman looking at me,  not every woman but some women.  It was nice.  I took the attention in stride, which was also nice because I didn't over thinking it...I just enjoyed it.  I just realized that I didn't automatically imagine them in bed, which I used to do.

I also had a chance to see my reflection in a mirror that is not my own, and its true what they say, you look better after having not masturbated for a while.

Can't sleep tonight...

....but I think that has more to do with all the food I eat over the last two days, thanks to big meals I was invited to.   I noticed tonight that my "taint" was tingling/itching.   I'm wondering if anyone else had that side effect?   Or maybe I just need to take a shower? hahaha

Couldn't stop...

...fantasying today.  Every time I pulled my back it wasn't long until I was back.  Tough time.  Not sure if I was getting a dopamine fix by doing that or not?