Porn masks our loneliness and makes us forget to make her our companion!

Today I was beating my self up by being so attracted by the women I was seeing every where.  I thought I was doing something wrong but then I realized that I wasn't...it was very very healthy!  I'm being to appreciate the beauty of all types of woman.  I got confused because my mind is so warped that I've made women synonymous with porn.  But looking at and being attracted to REAL women is NOT PORN...its NORMAL AND HEALTHY.

My ED and porn problem came to head my freshmen year of college.  Its interesting because the women I find most attractive are the woman who are around that age.  I guess my mind is "starting over" from that point.  Or is it just natural for men to be more attracted to younger women?

There was one woman in the subway I was blown away by, very tempted to speak to her but I still had it in my head at that point of looking at them is like porn.  I noticed about it hours later while walking home and fantasying about sleeping her that I was uncomfortable about the fantasy.  And I realized that I wanted her not just to "porn fuck" her...I wanted her COMPANIONSHIP.  All of a sudden a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I changed the fantasy to be companionship focus and the approach to sex with her in the fantasy completely changed and guess what...started to get an erection (not a full one but it was getting erected.) where as before it felt more like an obsession, where I wasn't getting an erection.

Afterwards, I realized that I'm really lonely.     That my attraction to this women is more than sex.  Sex is one aspect of it but its about companionship!  PORN (the evil) prevents us from seeing this.  In an evil manner it prevents us for seeing the total picture of a woman.  That their is more to woman than just sex!  No wonder why I've held myself back from relationships all these years...I WANTED MORE THAN JUST SEX BUT THATS ALL I COULD SEE WOMAN FOR!  ARRRRGHHHH DAMN YOU PORN!!!!  I blamed the ED but its wasn't the ED, it was wanting something more, I'm not going to say "love" but maybe a "real connection" with someone besides myself.   We can't get a real connection with someone from porn.  Maybe thats why are brain needs more and more...because it thinks the more intense it is the closer the chance we'll make a real connection.

By the way, today is day 40.