So Monday night through Tuesday was very hard. It was not stop fantasies. While reading member's blogs, I couldn't understand why people could slip up but due to these fantasies I realized it could happen to me. The truth is human beings are sexual beings, we need a sexual outlet, HOWEVER, not everyone is an ADDICT like us. We need to remain abstinent. The good is that for those 24+ hours were spent working on myself, by talking myself down and rationalizing myself out of the fantasies. Tuesday night through Wednesday has been a lot smoother. I actually feel much more attractive to real women as well as feeling ok when I'm not attracted to a women I "thought" I am suppose to be. I've also been "guarding my eyes" but looking away from women dressed overally stimulating (its not easy but my eyes 98% does turn away).
On Tuesday, I did watch an enlightening lecture from a Rabbi about relationships between men and women and our differences. Today, for the first time that I can remember, that I looked at women and allowed them to have their own sense of identiy without me trying to define them or to make them into a sex object. It was very freeing to do so, where before I always felt trapped by the....I don't enough know how to define it, maybe..."pressure" - does that make sense to anyone?
However I am thinking I am entering that "dead/nothing" phase - but not sure...maybe I'm just beginning to relax.
I've also been meaning to write someone on this blog about how my ED started, my mindset, and what I was doing/thinking while masturbating. I really did a number on myself. But its very personnel so gearing up for it.
Comments
Good job