Monday, October 31, 2011

Last Night (2)

I wrote this before I shut the lights out....

"Put some music on to help distract me from the cravings (which was recommended by someone who has done the No PMFO diet from and sipped some chamomile tea to help me sleep.

Though I am listening to music I played during one of the few times I hooked up over the years. This is causing me to reflect on how my old mindset on my past sexual encounters have been.  I'm realizing that the hook up I had while listening to this music and all my other past sexual experience were "fun".

I've always felt that I missed out on something form my sexual encounters....that I could have gotten more  or felt bad because I should have fulfilled some porn fantasy but didn't.  All of this has prevented me from feeling good about these encounters.

The truth is, the fooling around its self was "good" in its own right; I really didn't miss out on anything.  It was what it was.  Until now I never appreciate that which I did get and am going to stop measuring my past against someone else's standards of how sex should be.  

Now I feel good, or at least better than I have, about my past sexual encounters.  Though one thing that was definitely missing, was a full healthy erection.  Heck, maybe if I didn't feel so rushed or so poorly influenced by porn I would have gotten more.

With this new healthier outlook on my past hook ups, I will not have a healthier attitude about my future sexual encounters...hopefully with my wife."

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