The 2nd step forward, after a Friday night community gathering, I walked right up to a woman to speak to her. We've spoken in the past briefly but we are always eye flirting when we see each other. I said to myself when I saw her that I am going to walk right up to her later, no matter if she is talking to other people (which is a huge first for me because I always used that as an excuse), and I did! I decided to do so because I didn't just want to eye flirt; I wanted to bring it into reality (like we are doing by getting off of porn and focusing on real life). But I knew I wasn't going to force it as I had to speak to a few other people first. I also told my self, that if there was a reason outside of my control that would prevent me from speaking to her, I wouldn't awefulize it, rather it just wasn't meant to be. The conversation last a few minutes. It was nice, we laughed. Her friend and her brother was there. Interesting, I felt all my sex triggers were turned off. Maybe that because they were other people there or maybe my mind wanted to just focus on talking (which was probably for the best). I felt good about it afterwards because I went up to a women after psyching myself up to do so. Do you know how many times I've bailed in the past after telling myself the similar things? - MILLIONS :-) Maybe because isolated it. I was going to go to to her then, nothing more. It wasn't, "I'm going to talk to her, and then later, I'll get her number and then I'll fuck her!" It was just a conversation with a woman I'm attracted to, with no preconditions.
1 giant step backwards was I COULDN'T STOP FANTASYING, especially all of Friday! Its a miracle I didn't masturbate. t couldn't sleep last night, as the fantasies got more and more intense. I am assume I was upping the dopamine each time. However, come to think about it, I didn't masturbate or rub myself while I was fantasies, which is a plus. However much penis was very sensitive. I felt like I could have cum with out any touching or having an erection. I did do some air thrusts but stopped, as I thought I could cum just from that. Is that strange?
So I guess this holiday weekend was 2 and 1/2 steps forward (as I didn't rub myself while fantasizing) and 1 fairly large step backwards (fantasying). Do I just have to get the fantasying out of my system? I have noticed that since I've woke up from a midday nap, today I haven't fantasied at all. I am heading into the flatline people are always talking about? What is the flatline stage?
And God willing I am going climbing tomorrow...YAHOOOOO!!!