Its Thanksgiving and I came home to visit my parents and when ever I do I break my rule not to watch TV. I choose to watch the movie Inception.
There are things about the movie that stood out.
1. It is refreshing to see a major movie with out an explicit sex scene.
2. This whole rebooting process feels like coming out of the deep dream states the characters were in. This whole addiction has been one long nightmare, masking itself as reality but the truth is you are in a dream (something unreal) - a bad nightmare that you can't wake yourself out of...you're in it so long you can't tell the difference anymore.
I've (we've) been in a comma. I've missed so much of my life, so many important stages and phases I should have gone through but didn't. Stuck in my own mind and hooked on a falsehood which pornography is...replacing my missed reality with it.
These fantasies that persist and the cravings and urges they causes are no more than learned behavior attempting to fill something that is missing in my life...and why is missing is "reality." By hiding in porn use, we "protect" ourselves from that bad that can come in life. In porn their is always a happy ending. But the truth is, something in side of us all realize that life isn't an endless stream of happiness. Something is wrong with this "picture". Its not normal what we are doing or which we have done. And when we realizes this, part of us (like "Ma's" character in Inception) doesn't want to wake up and it will do anything to hold us back...it keep us in the dream of porn. But just as the characters in Inception who literally do battle and risk life and limb to wake up, SO DO WE have to do battle and risk discomfort, pain, and other withdrawal systems and risks of relapse to awake out of our addiction. Its hard but success will be the reward.
--- I've also been watching climbing videos online. I look at all these "young" faces out in the wilderness, being active, taking risks, living LIFE and I look back at my last 15 or so years and I spent it glued to a screen, be it TV or Computer. I can't/I won't live that life anymore.