Wednesday, November 23, 2011


Its Thanksgiving and I came home to visit my parents and when ever I do I break my rule not to watch TV.  I choose to watch the movie Inception.

There are things about the movie that stood out.

1.  It is refreshing to see a major movie with out an explicit sex scene.

2.  This whole rebooting process feels like coming out of the deep dream states the characters were in.  This whole addiction has been one long nightmare, masking itself as reality but the truth is you are in a dream (something unreal) - a bad nightmare that you can't wake yourself out're in it so long you can't tell the difference anymore.

I've (we've) been in a comma.  I've missed so much of my life, so many important stages and phases I should have gone through but didn't.   Stuck in my own mind and hooked on a falsehood which pornography is...replacing my missed reality with it.

These fantasies that persist and the cravings and urges they causes are no more than learned behavior attempting to fill something that is missing in my life...and why is missing is "reality."  By hiding in porn use, we "protect" ourselves from that bad that can come in life.  In porn their is always a happy ending.   But the truth is, something in side of us all realize that life isn't an endless stream of happiness.   Something is wrong with this "picture".  Its not normal what we are doing or which we have done.   And when we realizes this, part of us (like "Ma's" character in Inception) doesn't want to wake up and it will do anything to hold us keep us in the dream of porn.  But just as the characters in Inception who literally do battle and risk life and limb to wake up, SO DO WE have to do battle and risk discomfort, pain, and other withdrawal systems and risks of relapse to awake out of our addiction.  Its hard but success will be the reward.

--- I've also been watching climbing videos online.  I look at all these "young" faces out in the wilderness, being active, taking risks, living LIFE and I look back at my last 15 or so years and I spent it glued to a screen, be it TV or Computer.  I can't/I won't live that life anymore.


  1. Here are comments I received from this post on -

  2. Avoidance
    I really like what you're saying about porn becoming an avoidance behavior. That definitely rings true for me as well. And I also feel like I'm finally waking up from a long period of unconsciousness.

    In the modern world there are so many opportunities to escape from reality. The problem is that the place we escape to often offers no opportunities for us to grow. And that is precisely why we escape to these places, because they are safe. Reality isn't safe, but then again nothing worth having is ever easily obtained. True growth is earned, by facing our fears and remaining strong and determined. Yet despite how scary or impossible it seems at the beginning, the effort is always worth it.

    Hi five bro! Oh, and yeah Inception is one of my favorite movies!

  3. Waking up from a long period
    Waking up from a long period of unconsciousness- I like that. That is exactly what we are doing. You guys make so much sense. I never thought of my past behavior as escaping from reality but now looking back I think that was exactly what I was doing. No wonder I feel like I haven't matured mentally for the past 15 years or more. Thanks for that thought, I will be facing my fears from now on instead of hiding from it.

  4. It;'s funny
    how we never saw pmo as a problem for so long and all of a sudden, a revolution started inside us which is determined to either go "do or die" situation.

  5. Nice post
    You said porn is "a bad nightmare that you can't wake yourself out of." That's wrong. It's a nightmare you *CAN* wake yourself out of. And it's already happening.

  6. You (and we) have woken up.
    You (and we) have woken up. Don't regret the time you spent in that world, we can't undo that, focus on the positive steps you are now taking.

    You are aware now. You will never again be unaware. Even if someone relapses , at least they now know there is another option. Mindless, unconscious use of any drug can't have the same hold when we wake-up to a better world.

    "rak173" said "revolution" started within us. I agree!!! A friend helping me said " you have gone through a revolution of spirit" a week ago. He was right.

    That is a great connection you made with "inception" the porn friendly/sex sells society we are part of definitely helps us by planting "sex now" memes in our minds. Just walk through a mall, the ligerie store windows are like a Playboy mag from when I was a kid!

    Great post, loved reading all the comments to.