Saturday, November 12, 2011

Midweek Update - 11/9/2011

So Monday night through Tuesday was very hard. It was not stop fantasies. While reading member's blogs, I couldn't understand why people could slip up but due to these fantasies I realized it could happen to me. The truth is human beings are sexual beings, we need a sexual outlet, HOWEVER, not everyone is an ADDICT like us. We need to remain abstinent. The good is that for those 24+ hours were spent working on myself, by talking myself down and rationalizing myself out of the fantasies. Tuesday night through Wednesday has been a lot smoother. I actually feel much more attractive to real women as well as feeling ok when I'm not attracted to a women I "thought" I am suppose to be. I've also been "guarding my eyes" but looking away from women dressed overally stimulating (its not easy but my eyes 98% does turn away).
On Tuesday, I did watch an enlightening lecture from a Rabbi about relationships between men and women and our differences. Today, for the first time that I can remember, that I looked at women and allowed them to have their own sense of identiy without me trying to define them or to make them into a sex object. It was very freeing to do so, where before I always felt trapped by the....I don't enough know how to define it, maybe..."pressure" - does that make sense to anyone?
However I am thinking I am entering that "dead/nothing" phase - but not sure...maybe I'm just beginning to relax.
I've also been meaning to write someone on this blog about how my ED started, my mindset, and what I was doing/thinking while masturbating. I really did a number on myself. But its very personnel so gearing up for it.


Marnia's picture

Good job

talking yourself down. That's what helps rewire the brain, which in turn actually shifts your perception. It's kind of amazing to experience. I'm glad it's already happening a bit for you.

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