Sunday, November 27, 2011

32 days

Today is 32 days of no pmo (and working on the F). Really can't believe how fast these days have gone by...I couldn't even imagine blogging on day 32; I figured I'd be a complete basket case. To my amazement, I am far from a basket case, I am actually in better control of my self then I've been in a long time.
Today, I finally got to go rock climbing after not doing so for a week. It is so challenging, its great. It challenges not just your body but your mind and emotions as well. One really has to work on their composure while climbing. When I look at the best climbers at the gym, they are in a very tranquil state while climbing. Its inspiring.
Something odd happened today after climbing. I noticed while driving home I wasn't "happy" like I usually am afterwards. I started to think about why and I noticed that many of my irrational sexual impulses/urges that I developed from PMFO sprouted at times durning and after rock climbing. But at the same time, I was uncomfortable having them and wouldn't engage them with my thought, speech and action, I just pushed them aside and focused on my task at hand. Maybe the dopamine increases I got from climbing was like "clearing out the nest". All of these irrational sexual feelings boiled up that have been dormant for the most part durning the last 32 days. Like cleaning, you have to scrub hard to bring up the dirt so it can be swept away. Maybe that is what I was doing by increasing my dopamine through healthy means and refusing to engage this impulses/urges, just brushed them aside.
There are lots of attractive women at the gym. Its nice to be able to see beautiful women and not have the anxiety I had while pmfo-ing. I was just able to appreciate their beauty without having to go through in the irritability caused by PMFOing. And I exchanged a few flirtatious looks with a few of them but that was it, it didn't need to be more, it was just...nice. When PMFOing, you can't just have a nice visual enhance with a woman; Porn tells you that your just a complete failure if you didn't get her to come back to your room and have crazy sex. Tell you the truth, I feel more confident with those few visual exchanges then from many of the sexual encounters I've had in the past.
I'm really looking forward to having a sexual relationship with a woman. Someone told me about a women today. I still have to wait back to hear more. We'll see.

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