Sunday, November 6, 2011

Wonderful day so far

I didn't even need my morning coffee today!

I did the things I needed to do this morning, with very little self-interference.

After breakfast, I was sitting at my computer but I decided instead to get up and go outside.  I think the computer itself can be addicting too,   It took a long walk to a park I've been meaning to visit...being in nature felt exhilarating (well at least in comparison to what I normally feel, which is nothing).  All the different colors from the trees and landscape, the way the sun lit everything, the cold breeze, seeing all these people enjoying themselves...very nice.

Then I stopped by the main library which I hadn't been in.  I was going to spend some time there but I had a quick conversation with myself that as much as I wanted to stay its best to go - I guess its a sign that when you can control your negative sexual impulses, you can control other desires to make a more rational and better decision for you self.

 While I walked home I past by a museum and I was so excited about the prospect of visiting it soon, the thought of all the different exhibits and art work that could be in there was try appealing.  Heck, I WAS EXCITED ABOUT SOMETHING :-)

While I was out, I saw a lot of things that in the past would have gotten my blood boiling and would have obsessed over (dopamine?) but didn't!  Rather I choose to focus on myself and what I needed to be doing and what I wanted to thinking about and what was going to make me happy.

I took a book about relationships with me to the park and read it.  I finally spent time thinking about my role and a woman's role in a relationship - one woman; rather than thinking about "F-ing" a bunch of different girls.

While I was waling I noticed woman looking at me,  not every woman but some women.  It was nice.  I took the attention in stride, which was also nice because I didn't over thinking it...I just enjoyed it.  I just realized that I didn't automatically imagine them in bed, which I used to do.

I also had a chance to see my reflection in a mirror that is not my own, and its true what they say, you look better after having not masturbated for a while.

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